Disclaimer: Books should not be where you go for "answers". They should be used to supplement or enhance your style of (fill in the blank). Yes, I understand that for first time parents pregnancy, birth, and pretty much every moment from then on is unfamiliar, but I PROMISE you, you already have ideals and values that are going to shape the decisions you are going to have to make throughout your parenting journey. And I hope that you will first evaluate and even write down what they are before reading any parenting or pregnancy book. If not I trully believe that you will end up feeling overwhelmed and never obtain the satisfaction of knowing that you are enough for your child, even if you don't have a book or expert to consult. ALL moms (non-drugged, mentally ill, or otherwise clinically unfit that is) have a "mom instinct" that is usually spot on. And I always tell expecting friends to go with that instinct. If you have some doubts or questions you would like answered, go right ahead and ask them, but do so after you have considered your own values, life style, and comfort level. Once you become pregnant (or better yet, once you are over the age of 10), but even more so while pregnant, you are bombarded with opinions and pressures; there is no better time than when you find out that you are going to have a baby to decide that YOU will choose what is and is not ok for you, your family, your body, and of course your baby. I hope that you start slow, but soon, researching and understanding what choices and challenges that you may face while pregnant, birthing, and at each stage of raising your little peanut. I promise you, it's worth it! Don't think that ignorance is bliss; in this case IT'S NOT!
Ok...I now step down from my soap box.
These are the books I skimmed (to be totally honest) during my pregnancy and found very helpful and uplifting. I do not READ self-help books. I never totally agree with everything in them and usually am looking to better understand a certain topic, and so once I've gotten out of the book what I wanted, I put it on a shelf until I am curious about another section of the book.
1. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin
I read this book for the birth stories. Plain and simple. And it did not dissapoint. I heard early on in my pregnancy that the more positive natural birth stories a women read or heard about, the higher the likelihood was that she would have a natural birth and so I took that statement very seriously. Though I know my experience had more to do with the help of my husband, doula, and my faith in God, I still recommend any woman looking to have a natural birth to read these stories. They are very candid stories which I really enjoyed. The birth accounts range from women who delivered 12lb babies, labors that lasted days, to women who sneezed and their baby came out. (exaggerations) My point being is that these are not stories that make you think that birth is a walk through a botanical gardens, but it does not make you feel as though you must be a mighty naturalista, no deodarant wearing, beastly, pain-loving warrior to give birth naturally. It is inspiring, uplifting and encouraging. I recommend it to anyone seriously considering a natural birth....You can do it sister!
2. Beyond the Sling: A Real-life Guide to Raising Confident, Loving Children the Attachment Parenting Way by Mayim Bialik
*I have to give props to my mom first. Before "Attachment Parenting" was a term, my mom was doing it (along with other very progressive moms) and she very gently let B and I know when she came to visit us around 8 weeks postpartum that there was no spoiling a baby. I think many new moms need to hear this and know, you can hold, breastfeed, sleep "in close proximity" with, kiss, etc.... your child as much as you want! I'm just gonna say it, the world needs more kids who were kissed and loved on TOO MUCH! There is a difference between this and buying your kids endless amounts of toys (a.k.a junk), electronics, and never telling them when they are wrong. Let's just get that straight! ........Man, that soap box just keeps calling my name! Ok, I'm back down again, for now.
Mayim is great at explaining what Attachment Parenting is, why it works (scientifically), and how it worked for her and her familly. (Though I will tell you upfront her and her husband are now seperated :/ ...just being honest)
I did not feel that Mayim ever made the reader feel that they MUST follow "these steps" to have a perfect child. She simply explains the AP principles and how they have been shown to support a child's development. I really love the fact that she is a scientist talking about science. Not a mom trying to incorporate a subject that is beyond her scope of knowledge, into a book to attract readers. I actually found out about this book while watching The View a couple years ago. (before pregnant with E) and automatically was drawn to buy it. Really! I had no kids and no real thoughts of having one, but was immediately attracted to the things she was saying about AP. I didn't know why at the time, but my "mom instincts" are naturally very AP minded. I actually began reading the book super excited but then eventually just put it down because I was just like, "This is me already, I'm already convinced that this is all a great idea, what do I need to keep reading for?"... Though I will share that during the early weeks of having E, I was terrified of allowing her to sleep in our bed because of all the stories I had read; it took my mom coming to visit and some more research to understand safe ways to co-sleep/have a family bed and feel confident with that decision. My husband still says to this day that choosing to have a family bed is one of the best decisions we've made.
3. The Baby Book by Dr. Sears
Great science backed, easy to read book about raising and making decisions for your child during the first 2 years of life. He also gives a lot of wise parenting tips from his personal experience. He has a lean toward natural parenting choices; promoting cloth diapering, AP ideals (though he does not call it AP), breastfeeding (while still discussing formula feeding family's situations), things like that. You may also really like to check out his
site. It's full of great info about parenting and some things you may experience with your new baby. I love to quickly reference it every now and then when I've got a concern.
4. Baby Led Weaning: The Essential Guide to Introducing Solid Foods-and Helping Your Baby to Grow Up a Happy and Confident Eater.
This book is great for those who have never heard of Baby Led Weaning. BLW is pretty much a big name for a simple ideal: Allow baby to eat real food from day 1, preparing it in a way that they can learn to feed and stop feeding on their own. The book addresses the many benefits of this type of feeding. One being, that the baby learns to determine when THEY are full and stop eating. This is contrary to the way many of us see babies eat today. We typically see a mom or dad holding a brightly colored spoon dipped in a slimy, mushy jar of "food", waving it in front of baby's face trying to entice them to eat. This is the complete opposite of BLW. I think you will enjoy this book if you are into trying to raise an independant and confident eater. I did not read this entire book because I realized that once you understand the concept, a book isn't necessary. No one knows your child better than you and so therefore you are best at determining when and where to start with BLW.
The common thread I have found in all of these books is their goal of facilitating confidence, whether it be in the parent, the child, or the process (ie. birth). This is very different than many books about pregnancy, birth, and parenting that instill fear and a sense of dependence rather than independence. I hope you will check out one, two, or all of these books; they really are worth picking up.
-Anjelica
This was originally posted to my family blog,
PR to Guam.
